'Til Death Do Us Part

Loyalty and Honesty...something that we know so much about, yet we take so much advantage over. 


One could say that the idea of doing these things is easier said than done, but how is this so? Again, are we natured by this as a defense mechanism or are we nurtured to continuously adapt to the lies and perceived notions that we know are wrong, but accommodate to in order for us to escape for the present; knowing that the truth always comes out in the end?


What is in a lie that allows us to feel so compelled to tell lies knowing that the truth will set us free? It is no wonder that we chose not to trust, and that we want to give people the benefit of the doubt, but at the end of the day we end alone and in shadows of the past that allowed us to feel hurt, sorrow, and pain. 


"Love." What is it? Why is it that good things don't end unless they end badly. Why is it that once we have something worth fighting for, one that we learn to "love" that we feel the need to want to look elsewhere for more, something better, when it is not until we lose what we have that we realize the best cherished "precious" thing has been there/here all along. 


The pages of my past tell me that there may be a thing called "love" but why enable the voices of the heart to the head when the realization of reality always tends to set in knowing that every good heart breaks, and every eye is made to cry. Why play all cards on the table knowing that now, divorce is an option people depend on and see as an option out to what was intended as eternal and perpetual? 


Where are the sincere men. That don't look for a woman for their personal satisfactions and betterment, but rather the companionship, the bond, the well being a foreseeable longterm future. Where forever is "til death do us part" and where promises of loyalty doesn't consist of wondering eyes to the next soft eyes given. Where he would want to come home to talk about life, work, and goals; where a friendship is the base and in turn openness to understanding is an open door. 


Why is that the older generation, the grandparents of my time, have little due faith to the future promises of "love." Why have we enabled the option of deceit and deception? The truth is because we as a society have taken advantage of things given both given and earned. Haven brought up prone to the idea that there will always be an advancement/ upgrade. We've adapted to the fundamental belief that because our parents have gotten a divorces and had once seen "love" in their eyes, that divorce can be accepted.


So, when asked why I have walls, why I have barriers of guarded gates that accompany the outer rim of my heart it is because I can't foresee myself allowing openness to the one thing that I have spent so long  to protect. Why break guards to alter my ways of thinking. What has made it okay for a man/woman to step in to our lives and once comfortable feel like they need to change the person they "love." It just doesn't make sense. Wasn't the reason why emotions of infatuation formulated because it was that person's own set of behaviors/personality that served as the magnet? 


Individually we serve a purpose, and to that eventually hope that there is a matching piece that we can harmonize with to share our emotions, so that this journey of life isn't alone. But, generations of changes have moved this idea of trust and loyalty to an acceptance of these contrary guidelines as what we deserve. But we must see that we deserve more than just accepting the hurt, judgement, changes and realize that until we find that matching piece that we will not settle because there is a lifetime to live, and if any one else is like me I rather wait a lifetime for a gem than a moment for a dud. We can not be replacements but rather permanent beings to those we see ourselves for the future, but although alone it is hard enough to see ourselves waiting, the hardest part is waiting to expect another to feel the same way. 


#Where Are You- J Roman