In time we all begin to see and create our own world based on the perceptions around us, lessons we've gone through, the hurt we've felt, and the aspirations we want to obtain. Our judgements on what we [choose] to see, think, and feel are different from one another's, but often times we neglect to understand that how we perceive the world to be is never what it is in another's.
Most often times I have felt the deepest amount of pain not only from a breakup but to the realization that I was unfamiliar with the person that I should know the most about, myself. When you have latched yourself on to a relationship you begin to mold to the likings and satisfactions of what the other pleases; and in a healthy relationship happens in unison between the two. We begin to lose our sense of self-identity and do things in order to see the ones' we care for happy. Reconfiguring our identity and finding what it is that [we, alone] can offer to the world ends up being the biggest amount of power we, man, hold.
This brings me to a topic that has had me baffled for quite some time. I do not understand the need for people to expect, want, and assume a relationship. I am not talking the emotional satisfactions or the learning of someone in order to build a happier future, but the want of simply the label.
Too many people, wanting to latch on just for the ride/label what does that really prove? A relationship is not about a label, it is however about the happiness and compassion between two individuals maybe that don't even know each other well, but in the process to.
Naturally things fall the way they are supposed to but if ever the question of, "what are we" exists then it is premature.
It is those that we get to know we should see a better "us" come to surface. Someone who shares the same morals in life, aims towards a similar goal, respects our time and space, and most importantly wants to spend the time going through the ride not for the short run, but for a long lasting relationship. There is so much each of us can offer to the world, and having the right companion/partner falls naturally based on the chemistry between the two.
Never should we "settle." Life is too short to just settle for the company. In time, naturally every thing falls where it supposed to. Jumping the gun into something premature will only destroy would may have been a strong relationship, into something that may never work. People who know themselves and know what they have to offer realize that "time" will allow what is supposed to happen to take its course. People who want something purely for the fact that they are afraid they will allow the other to slip away is trying to put a label on something that wasn't meant to happen. If someone is willing to let go for the fact that someone didn't want to rush in a label they are in it for the wrong reasons primarily any way.My philosophy is, anything that is meant to happen... will happen. We have little to lose if we are moving too slow, it's when we try expedite emotions that we can lose some one worth waiting for. If someone is willing to wait through the ride, they must have thought it was worth while, THAT is the one that you should hold on to.
But, like in any relationship time is a key factor.
The truth is, life is all about the lessons that we've learned to structure who we become. With age comes wisdom and becoming a better person, for ourselves is the direct result as to who we allow in our lives to deem fit. We have one lifetime to live, and settling down or solely looking for a relationship should not be the main priority in life, but rather one that comes along as we are trying to attain our dreams and goals.
We must first know that before we start the process in loving another, we must first have to love and respect ourselves. We mustn't expect others' to find our identity but rather share with them the person we have become through our battle wounds, and in turn learn through time theirs. The greater accomplishments in life are never given, they are earned and worked for, & a relationship should not be any different.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
10 Years From Now...
We far too often take things for granted while we have them, and it's not until we lose those things that we value that we see the importance and impact that it serves in our lives.
I'll admit, when I was younger I used to fret and make an argument out of anything. Things that did matter to me, but more often things that didn't matter and just wanted to serve right. But, there is always that eye-opener in all of our lives that make us see a clearer vision of what truly matters, and that all other petty and self-less remarks and arguments serve as nothing but negative outbursts that directly reflect our negative output not only to ourselves, but life.
It was at this realization and time that I started reading books to try to figure out my self identity as to why I was allowing negative feelings control my actions and mold to who I was starting to become as a person. The highlighter was my best friend, and my pen was the right hand man... I started writing and highlighting key points that either what I did/do (pink) and what I wanted to become (yellow), and wrote on the side why I thought I did those, and/or why I wanted to change or become better; for who and to what.
After you start doing this for a while you truly see a mirror reflection of who you are. And after a while all your questions for the yellow, for who am I doing this for, becomes only for one reason, yourself.
Never in life should you do something simply because it is the right thing to do (although we hear this way to often) but we should do something because not only is it for the betterment of many but because it is that you want to.
Petty fights and arguments turn into conversation of what the balance between what I want, and what it is that the other person wants. And more times than not you'll realize that there is a common ground, but that it is easier to fight to win rather than seek out a middle ground with humility, compassion, and insight (to learn not only how bad you want something, but to understand that the other person(s) might want it just as bad).
Take a look around... your friends, your family, your significant other, and notice their behaviors. Notice what is that always makes you mad, or most importantly, happy while in their presence and when questioning "is this really worth the fight" really ask yourself, "10 years from now will this matter."
10 years from now will this matter?
Will that fight be worth a friendship, a disagreement with a family member, a break up... that one question before I open my mouth is something that I live to on an every day basis and has truly changed my life.
I'll admit, when I was younger I used to fret and make an argument out of anything. Things that did matter to me, but more often things that didn't matter and just wanted to serve right. But, there is always that eye-opener in all of our lives that make us see a clearer vision of what truly matters, and that all other petty and self-less remarks and arguments serve as nothing but negative outbursts that directly reflect our negative output not only to ourselves, but life.
It was at this realization and time that I started reading books to try to figure out my self identity as to why I was allowing negative feelings control my actions and mold to who I was starting to become as a person. The highlighter was my best friend, and my pen was the right hand man... I started writing and highlighting key points that either what I did/do (pink) and what I wanted to become (yellow), and wrote on the side why I thought I did those, and/or why I wanted to change or become better; for who and to what.
After you start doing this for a while you truly see a mirror reflection of who you are. And after a while all your questions for the yellow, for who am I doing this for, becomes only for one reason, yourself.
Never in life should you do something simply because it is the right thing to do (although we hear this way to often) but we should do something because not only is it for the betterment of many but because it is that you want to.
Petty fights and arguments turn into conversation of what the balance between what I want, and what it is that the other person wants. And more times than not you'll realize that there is a common ground, but that it is easier to fight to win rather than seek out a middle ground with humility, compassion, and insight (to learn not only how bad you want something, but to understand that the other person(s) might want it just as bad).
Take a look around... your friends, your family, your significant other, and notice their behaviors. Notice what is that always makes you mad, or most importantly, happy while in their presence and when questioning "is this really worth the fight" really ask yourself, "10 years from now will this matter."
10 years from now will this matter?
Will that fight be worth a friendship, a disagreement with a family member, a break up... that one question before I open my mouth is something that I live to on an every day basis and has truly changed my life.
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