Hello 2015

"Day by day nothing seems to change, but if you look back a year ago nothing is the same." 

I recall an 18 year old me New Year's Eve sitting in a windowless bedroom thinking I had six hours to be invited somewhere, to belong, to want to be wanted. It was two hours before the ball dropped I realized that no one was going to call, and that I was to face the year alone. Yes, it was just a few years ago that I believed my happiness was in the heart of others. And, it was just years ago that I believed living in a world with only myself would be the best way to live; I used to tell myself that being happy alone, and limiting myself to no real friends would put me out of harms way to be hurt, disappointed and broken. 

Boy, was I wrong. 

They do say that age brings on wisdom, but I have learned that wisdom is within the lessons we learn, not the years in which we possess. It is when we allow ourselves to be human, taking on the risks of emotion, error and commitment that we become alive. 

Now, every year I reflect on New Years, remembering where I have come and also remembering a more naive me (not to say that I am not now) thinking that taking on the world alone would grant far more reassurance and happiness. Every year I take myself back to previous New Years reminiscing on this thing called life, who I have grown to be and who I aspire to become. But, I always find myself in the spirit of where I was at 18- to when I felt most alone, and hope that no one feels as alone as I once did. 

I know this blog post isn't like my past ones. To start off the year I wanted to share a piece of me, a story, to help those around me know who I am, to see me through a fishbowl to know that every time this year, or any day, is an opportunity to restart. Just remember, we are only given things we can handle, and how we choose to handle each situation creates a stronger self in which we can learn from- but it all starts when we take a step back, analyze and proceed with positive actions toward change. Hello 2015.