Learning the Life of 2 under 2

 

It's been a while since I last wrote a blog. In part that life is quite busy over here! I won't try to tackle everything in this single post, but wanted to document my current thoughts since it's been on my heart and mind. To stay focused I will try to answer the following three questions in this post: (1) How was the adjustment to two under two, (2) Where are the boys developmentally right now, (3) What does the future hold for this Roder family?

How was the adjustment to two under two?

Going to start answering this question with a story from when I was 14. 

Soon after my parents were divorced and my brother and I were adjusting to living only with my mom, she allowed us to get dogs. This was a hard no, but I think the answer changed at that time because we were all healing a loss... and sometimes it's easiest to heal by filling in the hole. So very soon after we added to our family "Lucky." It's amazing how quickly he fit right in, we had assumed responsibility and how quick we were all bonded. About six months later we were asking for a second dog to keep Lucky company while my brother and I were at school. We were really pushing this ask , after all it took 14 years to get the first dog. Well after some convincing, more from my brother than I, we added Scruffy. At first it was all our family could dream of, but then I noticed Lucky's mood starting to change. Two days the excitement started to go from feeling excited to feeling bad. I wondered "how am I supposed to love Scruffy more than Lucky, Lucky came first." I also asked my mom if she felt the same when she had my brother and I. She assured me that she understood where my feelings were coming from, and that our hearts learn to love more and more as family grows, and to be patient and be open. It took about two weeks, but I noticed my heart changing. Finding things that I loved about Lucky and different things that I loved about Scruffy. I learned that my connectedness was strong with Lucky because he was first, but that I loved Scruffy just the same but for different reasons. 

When we figured out we were pregnant with Miles we were only three months postpartum with Easton. We were still very much adjusting to being parents in general, but the memory of before questioning the capacity to love did come back. I believe that lesson as a kid prepared me for this moment in becoming a parent.

I would also like to add that these boys teach me daily how much my heart could grow, and can continue to grow. Some days I feel my heart will burst through love and gratitude.

Where are the boys developmentally right now? 

Easton is 16 months (in 4 days) 

Miles is 3 months (4 days ago)

I am sure every parent feels their kids are smart, and I am no different. 

Easton since the beginning seemed to be a head of his time. At 3 months he was playing with a ring toy taking off one or two of the lightest rings. At 3 1/2 months he was sitting upright on his own. At 6 months he was crawling and at 10 months he was walking and running. People shared with me in the moment that he was quick, but I guess I was in the moment and he being my first I was just enjoying. Now, Easton is climbing, can say about 6 words (dada, baba, mama, snack, this, that, light), and pretty much can understand whatever we say at him... even things he hasn't been exposed to before as long as we point to identify what we are saying. The other night he amazed me... I forgot Miles's blanket in the other room and asked Easton, not thinking he would actually do it, to get it for me. Easton ran into the nursery and came back with blanket in hand. Same thing happened today when I asked Easton to grab Miles's head pillow. For personal documentation purposes he is also in size five diapers, has four top teeth, two bottom teeth, fits size 2T clothes, is still on a paci for sleeping, and officially sleeps through the night for the last week from 8:45-9:30am. 

We are progressing with Miles easily. I feel him being breastfed has simplified a lot of things and lessened my stress levels this time around. Miles eats every 3.5-4 hours through nursing, found his hands this week (playing and looking that them), have worked more on tummy time and head control, and introduced the standing bouncer this week. For personal documentation purposes Miles is in a size 3 diaper, falls asleep usually in my arms being rocked or with a paci, he is exclusively being nursed, wears size 3-6 month clothes. is extremely smiley, sleeps in the crib at night time and struggles in there during the day, and goes to bed at 7:30p and sleeps through at least 6-hours , but we have hit 10 hours a couple times this week. 

What does the future hold for this Roder Family?

In a couple weeks we will be doing our first family vacation to Marco Island. We will be gone for about 2 weeks. I'll report back how that is with two kiddos. 

In terms of family planning. I decided this time to get on birth control, because clearly breastfeeding is not birth control, or enough for my welcoming eggs. 

We do want one or two more, hopefully girls. I think we are tapped out of testosterone for this household and I could use some cute little girls. 

We will be trying again next year, with the goal that we will welcome another Roder the end of 2024 or in 2025. 

Fall Backwards Faithfully

I just woke up to the most serene and beautiful sights-- city lights the size of marbles below, clouds at eye level & endless stars above to the abyss of hope and faith. 

An almost out of body experience that makes me forget my flight being 3 hours delayed and that tomorrow will be a long work day. I look up to the stars questioning faith, love and life -- 

My lids slowly close and wake up to another unexpected gift. In the distance two clouds producing lightning. A view so beautiful and yet uncapturable by camera (I tried several times). The light dances and tags other clouds, so far in the distance that worry is non-existence. 

// After long moments of self reflection //

The lightning comes near as the left wing lifts and we ascend. In this moment I realize-- life. In this moment I realize the beauty of the unexpected, unplanned and unknown. Almost more importantly comes the realization of lack of control & contentment. At one point or another we must give away control, to surrender to chance of the unknown. Our choices inevitably have led us to where we are, and where we are headed will be the result of the actions from our past and the decisions we make today. If we do all that we can-- in being honest to ourselves --we shall live with no regrets and our ability to accept and learn becomes empowerment more than contentment. 

I, we, shall live faithfully to the abyss, of endless inquiry to become better -- where our comfort zone is our biggest hurdle; it is within those confined walls we must challenge ourselves the most. 

Ultimately, however, no matter what we do to plan our destiny we will face unknown expectations and challenges that we may/may not have control over-- persistence and continuous strides in self improvement will be our allies. But we shall forever work as long and as hard as life's limitations allow-- and then walk to the cliff and fall backwards faithfully. 

We All Have Something to Give

"Each person we meet is either a blessing or a lesson." 

...I have found the more I listen and the less I judge the more I learn and the more adaptable I become. Shouldn't we all be that way? Live a life where we can freely be who it is we are, not question what we say.. with the intension that who we are in the truest form means well. 

If we focus more on becoming better listeners we can learn to be patient, accept  and love. The more I listen the more I become self-aware that no two people share the same knowledge, or set of experiences. That makes us unique, and able to offer something, no matter how small, back to the world. That is enough. 

I Need a Sign

I need a sign-- 

I am sitting on the hotel ground on the 17th floor in the 14th room through glass windows overlooking mountains and the city of Burbank, California. Why am I sitting here you may wonder, to contemplate-- to understand an end of a dream (possibly temporary) I have been chasing for the last year. Lately my posts, tweets and videos have been on questioning-- it seems to be that 24 is a pivotal point for me. I have never questioned life, my purpose, my journey more.  

It amazes me how fast things in life can be taken away, how quick the dreams of those who have worked so hard can be in the hands of so few and how life lessons always seem to come in unexpected packages. 

I am a young free spirit--thrilled and motivated by the next planned trip and by challenges that I set for myself to become better. I continuously attempt to push down barriers of negativity with my persistence in spreading positivity.  I don't find myself dulled or disappointed often, but here I am staring out these windows.

I don't want to get too far in the weeds with the particular circumstance that has me, today, in such a shade of gray. However, I will say that if you are reading this and ever thought for one second that life hands opportunities on a silver platter- that I want to know where that is-- because even in moments where everything seems aligned and that all that could have been done was done nothing can stop someone knocking on your door to tell you that you've been cut from an opportunity and it had nothing to do with you-- but that opportunity did not meet time simultaneously. 

They say everything in life happens for a reason... maybe the reason is that my opportunity will be next and destiny will pay back in greater dividends the next go-round. I hope this serves as motivation that even though the biggest opportunity has been taken away at the final leg of this race-- that I will be persistent, as we all should for the things we want and deeply motivated to do. 

We wait on miracles, or is that work?

We wait on miracles, or is that work?

Complacency has never been my thing, however, as of late I'm clouded by the reality of current circumstances and the desire to live the life of dreams where the probabilities are not in my favor. 

The beauty of the world we live in is that every goal can be achieved. We are told that hard work, passion and persistence will lead to success-- me, I am searching for passion. There is no doubt in my mind that the combination of those three attributes are destined to well rewarded outcomes...

So I have been traveling. Hoping that on this journey across the world, across the country, across the state that I will find a place-- find me. 

The more that I go on searching I realize the more it is that I want/need to know. I have found myself limited in depth, although spread laterally quite thin-- or as some say "jack of all trades master of none." So then I ask myself, what is it that I enjoy:

-Traveling

-Reading

-Hiking 

-Running

-Laughing/Joking

-Meeting New People

-Feeling Butterflies 

The irony in this all is that I don't think I could have worked harder to be where I am currently at, but here I stand (sit, on a plane) in more doubt questioning my purpose more than I ever have. Part of me believes this is the process of finding true self, the non-complacent (real) me is convinced that I should have this all figured out. 

--For now my uncertainty is my journey, but I'm sure once I find my purpose I'll be unstoppable. 

Broadcasting Reel

Hello 2015

"Day by day nothing seems to change, but if you look back a year ago nothing is the same." 

I recall an 18 year old me New Year's Eve sitting in a windowless bedroom thinking I had six hours to be invited somewhere, to belong, to want to be wanted. It was two hours before the ball dropped I realized that no one was going to call, and that I was to face the year alone. Yes, it was just a few years ago that I believed my happiness was in the heart of others. And, it was just years ago that I believed living in a world with only myself would be the best way to live; I used to tell myself that being happy alone, and limiting myself to no real friends would put me out of harms way to be hurt, disappointed and broken. 

Boy, was I wrong. 

They do say that age brings on wisdom, but I have learned that wisdom is within the lessons we learn, not the years in which we possess. It is when we allow ourselves to be human, taking on the risks of emotion, error and commitment that we become alive. 

Now, every year I reflect on New Years, remembering where I have come and also remembering a more naive me (not to say that I am not now) thinking that taking on the world alone would grant far more reassurance and happiness. Every year I take myself back to previous New Years reminiscing on this thing called life, who I have grown to be and who I aspire to become. But, I always find myself in the spirit of where I was at 18- to when I felt most alone, and hope that no one feels as alone as I once did. 

I know this blog post isn't like my past ones. To start off the year I wanted to share a piece of me, a story, to help those around me know who I am, to see me through a fishbowl to know that every time this year, or any day, is an opportunity to restart. Just remember, we are only given things we can handle, and how we choose to handle each situation creates a stronger self in which we can learn from- but it all starts when we take a step back, analyze and proceed with positive actions toward change. Hello 2015.

Older and Wiser, or Younger and More Curious

A recent podcast on Ned’s Radio Hour, had me full circle to what I have always questioned, conformity.  In a world perceived with certainty I feel outcasted still questioning validity;  to whomever said that the older we get the wiser we become, I would counter with the thought that a curious mind is the wisest for it is unrestrained to limitations given by man.

Our mind, is the potential safe haven for a world filled with expectations and like-minded people, not because we don’t know how to think for ourselves, but because society has made it easier to agree than to stand alone thereby only learning what is necessary to get the job done. The capabilities of man are not within other individuals, but the potential that lies within a creative mind that explores the depths of infinity.

Too many of us, myself included, fear failure. We want to not only do our job, but do it at its best capability. In doing so we expect ourselves to be flawless, but, how do we know we are doing it the best way if we limit it to what we have only done. We must flourish by taking the leaps and not fear failing; rather learn to embrace failure. Failure is proof that we are trying something new, that we are taking initiative and that we are worth our own investment.

Almost as worse as failure is the fear to be vulnerable. Society has conformed to the belief that if we are vulnerable we are weak. But, it is within the vulnerable that lies trust, and that takes more courage than all else. We need to put our walls down, we have become so infatuated with proving ourselves to one another that we have lost the common ground to what makes us human… we mess up, we have emotions and we are not perfect. In order to relate we must have common ground, and we touch and better build a trusting structure with the willingness to be “real” to understand ourselves and trust ourselves, that we are our own worst critic and for what it is we are lacking, there’s a world out there that too has flaws.

Inevitably we are creators of our own lives. As big, or as little, of an impact we want to make is determined by time we are willing to spend working on ourselves and learning one another. The world toward positive movement can not be tackled with the expectation that change happens over night, and that thoughts alone change outcomes, but that we are one… that no man is better than another, that materialistic possessions are not determinants of who we are as people, and that where we are going was prepaved by where we’ve come. We are given the choice to create something wonderful. We receive what it is we give, but shall never make decisions expecting the favor in short-term return but to be patient that the  measurement of our return  is how we are molded through our character.

At the end of the day, it lies within us what it is we accept. We make choices, daily, that form our life ahead. We choose to ignore signs, seize opportunities, master skills, rid of hobbies, etc. 

Our choices today inevitably mold our pavement, however, never permanent. We can continuously maintenance those things that mean most to us, or let it go. 

The beauty of the world we live in are the endless possibilities. Often times, are those same possibilities that one let go in order to have. 

With that, we should never be greedy holding on to things that no longer produce happiness, nor keep for the pure accessory or word of validation. Life's short and where it is we have potential is within what we have yet took the time to master. In order to do so, we must make room.

If I’m not good at what I do, then what good am I? Let’s master our passions.

Everything that is coming is exactly everything we’ve prepared for… when the door opens, be ready.

If uncertain of our purpose,let's first create short term goals that lead us towards temporary happiness.

It is within learning more about ourselves that we become familiar what moves are necessary to create long-term happiness.  

I've found that continuously aiming towards a goal allows a reflection period not of regret, but of lessons that help forecast where we will be by continuing the same path, or the path we need to create.

To be quick to apologize doesn’t necessarily mean we’re weak, but strong enough to know when we are in the wrong.

Do all good things fade in time?

Everything we believe in is through our perception. We are a descendent of everything we think & believe in. We are creators of our own self-worth, & it is only within ourselves that we can guaranty change. 

We must not dwell on what it is we can not change, nor ignore how we perceive something. We acknowledge what it is believe to be true, typically because it is what we believe is correct... But not necessarily. Although we can control ourselves, human emotions among others' can not be controlled. So, why does it seem that good things fade? It is because we believe it has, or have already started to believe a sense of loss. And, if it is within another it may not have to do with our actions being any different than they once were, but what has been expected... and, to me, is the root of all things that fade. 

"Eventually we come full circle, but the beautiful thing is, we don't ever make wrong turns"-@JackieSCraig

"The world is our battlefield if we choose to overcome our fears and live for the experience."- @JackieSCraig

"Nothing in life is free. Monetarily we may be given passes, but time can never be replaced."-@JackieSCraig

We need to choose to be proactive not reactive-

In order to become successful we need to prepare for the worst, expect only the best and work hard in order to get there. 

Only when we choose to work towards a higher standard are we making change. No matter the resistance, things worth working for will take patience, persistence and motivation.  

Our life is what we choose to do with our time and when... So let's live for today, prepare for tomorrow and with aspirations that never end in our future. We are our own restraint. 

"Rarely are we given the same opportunity twice, and all it takes is one to make change."- @JackieSCraig

"Take everything in manageable strides, those who start sprinting burn out & those who move too slow, get passed."- @JackieSCraig

Like everything in life we must take only what it is we can manage, and have the passion in order to seek it through. Although we may be ambitious, we must stay humbled in trusting that as long as we are making continuous moves to grow as individuals, and towards our ultimate ambitions, we are not wasting time. Although we must be go-getters, we must leave time to digest and reflect what it is we are doing. We must not start off at full sprint, it is within those who practice, know self-strength and stay consistent (grow to become proceedingly better) that finish. 

We too, must stay full of dreams and implement them to goals when given the opportunity, or the time. Rarely are we given the same opportunity twice, and all it takes is one to make change. Let's not be passed, or referred back, recalling what we should have done, but instead have the courage and tenasity to do all that we can to repay the life we have been blessed to have. 

We are surrounded by amazing, driven, positive and loving people, so if we seem to be in a lack thereof... remember we attract what we give.

From experience, and through the relationships I have been fortunate enough to have experienced, those who truly understand positivity often are left exhausted; but as it has been told, we can sleep when we are dead.

Keeping a positive spirit when the world seems to view the cup half empty is a hard task, but a journey well-worth the extra effort. Life is meant to live, and not waste judging and conforming, let's learn to love!

Let's continue working to become the people we want to be & help each other towards the right direction. Let's seek the goals that we desire and not let the thoughts of judgement hinder a prosperous future.

I commend those who venture off and are true go-getters... those who fear not where the unknown is located... the untold journey of that choice is that all things we have learned to find comfort in: friends, family, places, etc. are lost to the determination to find more; and are learning to adjust and maintain peace & positive spirit.

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I want to give a mention to my dearest friend Nestor, who is a Michigan-native, and moved to the west coast to chase his dreams and make more; and undeniably is making them come true. Remember... at times it seems the hardest are the experiences that we grow the most from. You are an idol, a go-getter & a positive ray of sunshine that any one who has been blessed to have met/get to know you, knows. Never doubt the moves you have made, or lose the motivation to spread your love for life among others because there are times where I reflect back to your words of encouragement that have made it possible for me to see past times where it could have been easier to give up.

It is when we feel like giving up that we are meeting the final opsticals towards the finish line.

Let's stay persistant in what it is we truly want. From experience things worthwhile are those worth waiting for, & sometimes means keeping faith, positvity and persistance. 

We all are strong and limitations within our own mind inevitably are our hardest walls to break through. 

"We must initiate momentum in order to gain momentum"- @JackieSCraig

Let's think big, take the time to plan a goal & follow through until we accomplish  it/them or be humbled by the experience. The biggest mistake we ever can make is not making a move... Initiate the momentum.

If we live life seizing opportunities given, and working towards those we desire one life is plenty.

Let's stop with procrastination and wondering where life leads, and create the life we aspire to have. Every thing created was manefested by the will power to try alongside the persistence to not give up. 

"If we do what we love, we never work a day in our lives." Although, I have found this hard to come by, I desire this goal. Every day is a gift, an opportunity to learn and become more, better than we are. The room for improvement is only as limited as we are minded. 

Anything but Ordinary

"Never love anybody who treats you ordinary."

Almost as important as it is to love ourselves and live positivity, is surrounding ourselves with those who have similar visions. It is true that we must first learn to love ourselves before we truly can love another, but it is important to surround ourselves with people in which we aspire to become or to whom we already see eye-to-eye.

Although ideal circumstances situations aren't always handed, I have found to be true that the positive energy in which we give/send we channel inward, and vise-versa (negative energy). Meaning if we are to surround ourselves to those who think and act positivity, we too well adapt and become similar around that type of presence and through repetition those actions become habit and a chosen lifestyle.

I truly believe there are more people in the world that mean well. We have learned to become defensive because its our culture to strive to become better than before, and to challenge our thoughts to others; through education, through television, talent, etc. Although part of this competitive behavior can be of an asset, we must also be in charge of our thoughts and know when to let go to feel compassion and peace.

We are any thing but ordinary, despite how ordinary at times we may feel. Although we are similar in many ways, we are very much different. No matter where we are we have come from a story, and every story helps create the world we live in. Every action that we do changes the world around us... it our is choice to make the actions a story worth telling... maybe not today or tomorrow but in the books of time. We need to think beyond ourselves and the time we live in, for change lies within the future, the path not yet paved that we now are molding to create.

Where it is we've been is nothing compared to where it is we are headed, but only if we are empowered from what we have within.

We are Equal

"It is until we view the world as our equal that we become one with the world."-@JackieSCraig


The root of all good/evil is manifested within our own thoughts. As Isaac Newton proved through theory in 1676, "An object that is at rest will stay at rest unless an external force acts upon it. An object that is in motion will not change its velocity unless an external force acts upon it."

Although this could merely be viewed as a scientific finding applied to science, we can apply this to our every day ideologies in which we choose to live by. In order to create change or live a positive life we must make moves in order to see them implemented,  an"external force". We all have something to offer to one another, we all have stories to tell and we all come with various perspectives. It is within these perspectives that we create a well diversified and well rounded ability to create change and understand one another. We often times mistaken our wisdom for arogance in form of boasting instead of sharing. It is until we view the world as our equal that we become one with the world. In addition, as much as it is important to conform and understand it is as important to make moves when necessary when change is needed. The balance of growing and learning is endless, and this is life; the way we choose to disperse importance not only on perspectives but on what we choose to see/feel at all.

Like a pendulum, what it is that is required sometimes needs additional work. The world around us changes, and the fight for human rights and need for awareness will remain continuous. Living in a world with needed peace does not mean that we can not make efforts to create it. Sometimes we need to step back away from the disarray and find reason, and most often times than not it is within compassion and awareness that it is found. By being one with the world, means that we understand that we have similarities, and we accept that we are human with the same needs and desires no matter how different on a day-to-day that we are.

My new task of 2014: that every new person that I meet, I want to make smile and find at least one similarity. Too many times I leave a conversation not having really learned much more than I walked in knowing, and the only person losing is myself, because it is within every conversation that I've had in my travels that I have learned the importance of interpersonal communication and the similarities the world has, but the miscommunications by perspectives; which are not wrong, just different...

Let's lead by example, and be a joy to those who we come in contact with, because tomorrow is never a promise and never should we reflect back wondering what we could have learned if we would have listened more and spoke less.

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Material Girl? No.

"Seize life for its memories not its things, it is then we grow"-@JackieSCraig

Life truly is short. Even at 22, I see life fly by and dreams that I thought I would have accomplished still have gone untouched, not because I have lost ambition but because life happens. The beauty of life is the unexpected hurtles that we learn to deal with. It is when we look at the rear-view and reflect back and learn from our mistakes that we flourish.

I have learned that there is never money wasted, as long as mindful, in traveling... exposure to the world. It is through traveling we learn to appreciate what it is we do have, and expose ourselves to humbling unknowns.

If you died with all the money in the world and never traveled would you be poor? Or, would you be poor traveling the world and die with no money left? 

We must learn to set goals and dreams higher than materialistic desires. When we have the means to survive, we are already blessed with everything it is we need. Happiness is not in form of wealth, but through experiences.

If you were told you would have only months to live... would there be things you have never done that you would start planning to do?

This saddened fate of some, so why do we wait until it is too late to live, to be happy & spread happiness to all, to travel, to learn things we've not done. Let's be grateful, time is a gift.

As life happens we change our desires, our goals and ambitions. It is true that sometimes they change, but let us not be fooled by designer names, the next car to market, or the newest phone... but the money to be used to grow as an individual; things that people can't steal or rob us from.

We are in change of our destiny, that "gift" is the power we have in our "present." #LivetoLearn

Core of Happiness... Simplicity

"The core to my happiness is making what is hard simple. Don't overcomplicate, live."-@JackieSCraig

Too often we overthink, sometimes in order to get a better understanding, but all great words and all great choices were derived by a simple reason. This can be happiness, love, emotion, thankfulness, etc. Whatever the matter we find ourselves (often times) being consumed with the thought rather than the process. 

Today's society is used to instant gratification wether it is by a quick answer to a text, or an answer of a phone call... times have changed. When things are not as planned, or longer than expected our mind start to fill in our fears... 

Let's challenge ourselves that through times that patience is lacking to create rational reasons, not ran by emotions but logic; and to reform a mentality that life happens and although there may not be answers now that it's for a purpose greater than ourselves. 

"Instead of speaking with words, speak with the soul… it is only then we are unrestrained by mans' existence"- @JackieSCraig

I have learned that life is not destined by fate, but by the work we choose to put in. We can be rich through monetary means, but be poor through spirit, and vice-versa. We have societal expectations based on what we've accepted by comparing. Although we've been conditioned to do so, I have found it healthy to set aside these expectations and self-reflect based on personal aspirations. Too often, we limit our potential by the bar another has set, instead of the one we ought to form to create. 

The historical leaders of America did not seek out to be iconic, but to take the initiative to make the change despite fear. We need not fear what is unknown, for it is where there is room to grow…

… every one of us can make a difference, and the amount of positive change we can contrubute is infinite. Let's set our own bar, that continues to grow as we do, and to not fear failing… for even within failing we grow. 

Your D.A.R.

I've realized those to whom we've learned to love are those which seem to get the short end of the stick, continuously. 

So, what is the best way to deal with our problems? I recall reading the book, Men are from Mars & Women from Venus, where it explains differences in actions by our gender, but not necessarily a disagreement about the moral of the argument. With this, I've slowly been trying to learn to communicate clearly & leaving my frustrations to bullet points. But the truth of the matter is, until we can effectively communicate with all types of people no matter the gender, age or ethnicity we have something to work on within ourselves. 

The core of what it is that makes us upset, or frustrated, is ourself. When our form of communication isn't reciprocated the same after a valiant effort, then time for self-reflection of what we need to do to fix the problem in the future by what we can change, us only. 

But the most important take-away, is only fight the battles worth the time. Noticablely, that itself is a cure; not the band-aid. 

Let's move into the new year not blaming others, but understanding. 

New Year, Embrace New Beginnings

Dear Diary,

I have been spending my new year in Washington D.C. I could think of no better place to reflect, and clense my spirit. 

Where we can go is limitless… Set dreams greater than reality and one day… it will be possible… 

There are times when we give up on what we want in the world, but it is through persistence, passion & practice we learn to mold the will power to succeed. It is easiest to begin with a starting point clear from comparison, and because of this believe people wait until the new year to make a difference. The truth, people no matter have this ability instilled at any moment; however, hope that we (myself included) moving forward focus on growing and becoming bigger than who we are today. 

Success, unmeasurable, at its truest state is unjudged, all-loving and fully willing to learn. We, every day, should challenge ourselves to push the envelope  and reach full potential. 

As I welcome in 2014, my new years resolution is to become more social in order to spread my thoughts towards positivity, not to force an opinion, but to give hope that kindness and change for a more fulfilling future for ourselves and the future children of the world. I hope my small acts of kindness and words can inspire those who read to find a belonging and openness to feel important, and to seek help when need be. No one should be alone, or ever feel alone. But, to never fear being alone because sometimes one thought, one idea, one action is all it takes to make history. 

The True Flaw in Education

Societal norms have led those to who want to become successful in the world to have much more than a high school diploma. Although the basic idea is to heighten knowledge, it is a misconception to the core underlying reality; I remind you this is an opinion.

We begin with the thought of the process. Never in my youth had I not envisioned myself not moving forward in the world without progressing in school. Was this embedded by my parents, as most would arguably say as the underlying factor, for me it was not. I recall laying in bed reading the Harry Potter series at the age of ten (prior to the mass flooding of social media, although it did exist) wondering what it is I wanted to do to become rich and how I was going to get there; since I knew Harry's inheritance wasn't a likely circumstance, nor were magical powers. As time moved forward, and the priorities in which I had were faded, “reality” set. But, why is it that? Why is it that that the things that we love, we set aside for things that help us make money. Here is where I believe lies the problem with education, what it is that provides most happiness is not necessarily what pays. I believe that what we create mentally is the foundation to how our lives are paved. The saddening truth is a life worthwhile doesn't necessarily provide immediate satisfaction, but bills, family and the present do.

Inflation, political, and monetary opinions aside, why is it that the future and the dreams we have in our youth can not be obtainable? Why is there is there such differentiation among the job titles, types of degrees, where we went to school, and the job itself weigh so much? In an ideal world, the point of an education is to further our knowledge in what it is we are passionate about. With the volatility within the world I believe we are herded to believe that particular jobs are more important and reflected by salary, a sad thought.

The measurement of salary, my solution, would be that our success measured by community happiness and overall well-being, utilitarianism at its core. The next question is how…

Here’s a thought. How about doctors get paid based on life expectancy rates increasing, a cure to the cold before the cold, the decrease of diagnosed “depression.” Lawyers to get paid based on less court cases and more solutions before even making it to a court room. A politician to get paid by the community’s success in reducing city debt, a decrease in crimes, and more income based on increasing business owners. Note, the examples listed are the same jobs that are considered of “importance,” but what about counselors, teachers, motivational speakers, and bloggers? Why are these jobs so undervalued, or at least paid less? What is it that within our society that we deem these as less? Last I knew, my future was dependent based on the nurturing as a kid (parental), but between the ages 5-18 where the 8 hours with my teachers who set the foundation to who I am today. Although this time I provide no solution, the exposure to the thought is just as important.

In the end, we collectively set social expectations, norms, trends, and beliefs. Let's seek past what it is we have grown accustomed to and expand our thoughts to a meaningful and life beyond what it is that have been expected from us, and instead to create our own philosophies based on merit and the future we want, and will strive to have.

New Chapter, Forget it New Book

It's been a while since I've last posted, not that my mind hasn't been flooded with topics that I feel need to be entertained but more so to do with the influx of feelings and opinions without clarity as "life" happened.

So, this brings to question a pivotal moment that I encountered nearing, and even truer post graduation: what happens when life long milestones are met, and everything that we've been working for suddenly has been reached, where do we go now?

We all have different aspirations and finish lines in which we envision, arguably what nature and nurture allows, why is it that we restrict ourselves once these milestones are met. What was once a naive mind with intensions to optimize full potential and the true core of happiness, is set back by "life" and its realization that the mindset when initially outlined our timeline is intimidated and we fall average among conformability. The easy answer would be because it's easy, the harder one is one of which has taken this long to finally put the language restricted by words, to words. 

Humbled by life we must notice, that once lifelong milestones are met the feelings of accomplishment do not always directly reflect the triumph we assumed to linger as life challenges us with new summons, why do we question validity. Surely we reflect back to see quest that we had embarked and the lessons we've acquired along the way, but no true milestone is landmarked with just a single goal in mind, but a series of intended targets that we've subsequently preplanned with promise that the most advantageous route for the betterment of long term prosperity is possible.  

Referencing back to the naive mindset I've found the true core of the presence and purpose of whom we are intended to be, to what makes me, to what makes us happy. We must not forget the place we intended to be by the masked "assumed route" of what we are "supposed" to do rather than what it is we want to do. 

We must encounter life, if we truly are intending to optimize full potential, with the aim to be to travel towards the road we intended to travel originally; even if that means traveling the road less traveled. There's a world living to be ordinary, when we have the potential to embody a prodigious life. We need not to lessen standards in order to fit in, but appreciate the ability to even think to stand out. Although the likelihood of an original idea seems unfathomable, we must challenge ourselves towards a life worth living. Never shall we look back and regret something because it seemed out of the question, but even if failed, to live regret free and full of more life as we age than we did at youth. They say that a youthful mind, although can be looked on as naive to true ability, is the smartest mind because it questions everything and all it encompasses. But, if as we grow "wiser" we continuously question and leave an open mind, the question of fundamentals open new doors of opportunity we thought were shut out by "the real world," and only to find that what is real is what we create in our minds, and that can be endless. 

NOH8

If the World Ends in 2012

Some of us live with the mentality, "one day at a time," and others with a definite long-term plan. Whichever way we choose to look at life the goals we work for are to be successful for when we are ready to "kick the bucket." But, what if the world was to end this year, would you change how you view life?  Would you:


- say thank you to those who always have a place in your heart
- would fix loose ends with a friend that hasn't been so smooth?
- worry less over the frivolous things and focus on things that make you happy
- lose the ten pounds been telling yourself you would
- learn a new language


So, why wait?! As a society we forget with the fast pace lifestyle to slow down and take care of important things, sometimes even more important than the work that we haven't slowed down for, that matter and mend the loose strings. We need to step away and this START of the year make a list wether mental or written to set priorities that we will make time for even if work/school seems to be taking us full throttle.


The reality is, in fact, that the world is available of millions of opportunities and there isn't just one person who can master all. The realization that we together is the only way that this world can function is important to see... sometimes we are under the influence that because we are capable of doing things well we are better off doing tasks ourselves, when eventually we need another's knowledge, contacts, and references to move forward. The need for jealousy is only a fight fought within ourselves, and life is as complex as we CHOOSE to make it.


We hear leaders sounding optimistic and simplified when they speak, but the fact is that they choose to make it THAT SIMPLE. Test it, or take a circumstance and think of all the emotions that tagged along and which ones that were actually with reason.


Emotions are what inevitably makes us human, and the ability to voice those are just as important. We all have to come to see that as from different backgrounds and views/experiences of the world that we handle situations differently, and although may vary drastically one isn't more right than another. We must learn to accept that, be aware, and work on it.


Books to my recommendation:
"The Little Big Things: You"
"Men are From Mars, Women from Venus"

The "Non-Tangible"

There are many influences in our life that we mistakenly take for granted and don't understand completely but allow to control our daily activity through values and morals. That's when I learned of the "non-tangible: trust."


"Characteristics include"
-Belief of Character
-Follow Through/Confidence
-Rely on Another
-Do What's Right Over What is Convenient
-Reflections of Past Experience
-Honesty
-Expectations
-Willingness to Be Vulnerable


"Has someone ever mislead your trust and has now made it difficult to rely on another. And, if the answer is yes is it fair to the one that hadn't broke it to hold these barriers."


In all of us, we have different histories. Different pages to our book, different stains on each page, and certain pages that we consistency reference back to when in question... every thing we live by if we want to admit it or not has been based on these layers of lessons that we have learned along the way: both humbling and sacrificing, hurt and joy, love and lust.


How do we manage what is fair between actions of protection we do for ourselves, and openness to the fact that different people bring to the table different emotions and they are not always a reflection of the past that we have continuously have guarded by barbed wire.


In due time certain barriers we are willing to allow to decimate in order to take the risk in being "willing to be vulnerable," but often times we instinctively prepare for the worst case scenario in fear that the thing we may be willing to allow in our lives proves to disappoint.


This cycle although seems unfair; is life and trust even if our admittance to this fact is non-existant we are reflections of trust.


Think of the people we encounter on a daily basis. There are those who have the constant joy of life and continually sacrifice their own emotions hoping that the next person comes around is the next person to be able to rely on... then there are those of us who on the contrary belief, "trust until given a reason not to" flip the script and have to be proven that they are trust worthy prior to allowing to embed confidence that they will follow through...


As life progresses it seems with youthful eyes that things should be easier. We've had time to accumulate lessons that in turn should allow us to know future answers, but things become very much un-"SIM" like... there aren't emoticons above each of us telling each other the pure feelings and intent but we make decisions based on intuition and chemistry...


If anything human we often fumble and continue to prove to ourselves that trust is a needle in a haystack and that the only person we can trust is ourselves; which brings back the same question once asked...


"Has someone ever mislead your trust and has now made it difficult to rely on another. And, if the answer is yes is it fair to the one that hadn't broke it to hold these barriers." ... and in full admittance the answer is yes; and the rest time will only tell...

Chapter Six in Life

There are things in life that are intangible, materialistic, self-fuffilling and rewarding and those are what inevitably create drive and motivation.


What is it in each being that creates different motivational factors that put us all in different avenues in our adventures? What makes one thing so fulfilling to one so polar to another?


How do we direct our motivation to our long term goals? 


"Have you ever wanted something so much that you felt that you would do anything to obtain it?" Intuitively a lists starts to formulate with past, present, and future values that have changed over a period of time, and in that we can wonder if we have been consistent and challenging to the goals that in the end will make us self-fuffiled, or what needs to happen in order for this to occur. This is exactly where motivation sets. What will allow us to want to do better not only for others, but ourselves to see a sense of accomplishments that continually often times are set aside waiting to get picked up at a later time. The answer is until we work towards what we want, the right time doesn't come and tap us on the shoulder handing us what we want.... we must direct ourselves based on our determination and drive.


In the midst of what we chose to put on our plate we tend to continue to set things that mean a lot to us on the end table waiting for the right time to seise. However, we can forget that not always will the thing we are waiting for still be there when we chose that the right time. People around us are so quick to grab opportunities, even if it's not what they want to feel the sense of accomplishment: reward.


The List: Personal


To refrain from other people taking the things that I have wanted in the past I started making lists. And, I don't mean the dry-erase board that is in constant flux throughout the month, week, or even day... but the one that I have recently started making at the beginning of the year. A detailed syllabus of what I have expected of myself and broken these 'tasks' in importance and one goal that leads to another.


Now, for myself... a list isn't a goal without set dates of when to have them done. Like homework, there are periods in which I expect myself to learn a lesson, or do community work, or able to read x amount of books that I have been meaning to read but been putting off... something from simple things for self-accomplishment towards lessons that are long term learning objectives that very well carry on to the next year. But, always "happiness and appreciation towards life" are the first words that I read... reminding myself, that life isn't a competition towards any one but myself: life is too short to take for granted all that it has to offer and that in time things do happen on it's own but we also have to work to earn these values...


Not every body is driven off a list, but the point being there is something in all of us that motivates us even when we feel the least willing to do what it is that needs to be done. Find it, start doing what we have been putting off, and have another goal/task ready. We all become more united when we work together, even if towards different goals together we can serve a purpose in guiding people towards happiness in different ways, and making differences one task at a time.

'Til Death Do Us Part

Loyalty and Honesty...something that we know so much about, yet we take so much advantage over. 


One could say that the idea of doing these things is easier said than done, but how is this so? Again, are we natured by this as a defense mechanism or are we nurtured to continuously adapt to the lies and perceived notions that we know are wrong, but accommodate to in order for us to escape for the present; knowing that the truth always comes out in the end?


What is in a lie that allows us to feel so compelled to tell lies knowing that the truth will set us free? It is no wonder that we chose not to trust, and that we want to give people the benefit of the doubt, but at the end of the day we end alone and in shadows of the past that allowed us to feel hurt, sorrow, and pain. 


"Love." What is it? Why is it that good things don't end unless they end badly. Why is it that once we have something worth fighting for, one that we learn to "love" that we feel the need to want to look elsewhere for more, something better, when it is not until we lose what we have that we realize the best cherished "precious" thing has been there/here all along. 


The pages of my past tell me that there may be a thing called "love" but why enable the voices of the heart to the head when the realization of reality always tends to set in knowing that every good heart breaks, and every eye is made to cry. Why play all cards on the table knowing that now, divorce is an option people depend on and see as an option out to what was intended as eternal and perpetual? 


Where are the sincere men. That don't look for a woman for their personal satisfactions and betterment, but rather the companionship, the bond, the well being a foreseeable longterm future. Where forever is "til death do us part" and where promises of loyalty doesn't consist of wondering eyes to the next soft eyes given. Where he would want to come home to talk about life, work, and goals; where a friendship is the base and in turn openness to understanding is an open door. 


Why is that the older generation, the grandparents of my time, have little due faith to the future promises of "love." Why have we enabled the option of deceit and deception? The truth is because we as a society have taken advantage of things given both given and earned. Haven brought up prone to the idea that there will always be an advancement/ upgrade. We've adapted to the fundamental belief that because our parents have gotten a divorces and had once seen "love" in their eyes, that divorce can be accepted.


So, when asked why I have walls, why I have barriers of guarded gates that accompany the outer rim of my heart it is because I can't foresee myself allowing openness to the one thing that I have spent so long  to protect. Why break guards to alter my ways of thinking. What has made it okay for a man/woman to step in to our lives and once comfortable feel like they need to change the person they "love." It just doesn't make sense. Wasn't the reason why emotions of infatuation formulated because it was that person's own set of behaviors/personality that served as the magnet? 


Individually we serve a purpose, and to that eventually hope that there is a matching piece that we can harmonize with to share our emotions, so that this journey of life isn't alone. But, generations of changes have moved this idea of trust and loyalty to an acceptance of these contrary guidelines as what we deserve. But we must see that we deserve more than just accepting the hurt, judgement, changes and realize that until we find that matching piece that we will not settle because there is a lifetime to live, and if any one else is like me I rather wait a lifetime for a gem than a moment for a dud. We can not be replacements but rather permanent beings to those we see ourselves for the future, but although alone it is hard enough to see ourselves waiting, the hardest part is waiting to expect another to feel the same way. 


#Where Are You- J Roman

Excuse me, come again?

It is no wonder that women have been so quick to judge a book by its cover, or to being able to have a vulgar appreciation for men because of the lack of appreciation of how men have degraded women.


Granted, through our history men have been acclaimed the "dominate" figure in society. Wether this be through politics, business, education, or in general men have over time been this omniscient power. However, we are now in the year 2011 and have yet to understand that this almighty feeling of empowerment men still think holds true exists.


1979, the year in which women had been granted free from discrimination by the United Nations. So, what makes it okay in the year 2011 for men to degrade women by connotations such as "bitch", "hoe", "slut" and that what a man can do will eventually be forgotten, but for a woman to gain a name from? It honestly makes no sense. Yet, continuously these boys continue to look like a deer in headlights when they do not understand woman's unappreciative view upon their rude,ignorant, intrusive behavior.


By no means are all men the same. However, for a boy to become a man does involve appreciation not only to those around them, but to themselves (and works vise-versa). What is it that one is really saying when they are giving racial or gender slurs? True character and insecurity is expressed to others by actions of ourselves. Wether we like to believe it or not our conduct to those we choose to learn about is a reflection to whom we are as individuals and the message we give not only to those we are directly verbally and nonverbally communicating with but those younger than us for them to learn and accept.


In the same, those older who frown upon behaviors of the present... history doesn't just create itself it is adopted. Not to say that we are not responsible for our own actions, because that is true responsibility, but to continually live in a pessimistic mind set that the future is doomed with those of this generation is a stretch. We in the last 50 years have been able to diminish barriers that our grandparents may not have been able to fathom, but in due time there are always bumps in the road and lessons to be learned. But, to be able to move forward we need to trust, open, and respect all of those around us, and most importantly ourselves.

On the Brink

Have you ever just sat and wondered "what if?" Of course you have, we all have.


Although many of us claim that we would go back and turn back of the hands of time, I honestly think that we really wouldn't if we could. Think about how many of the decisions we have made that has molded who we are now; would you?


Then there are times, that we are on the edge. Wondering if we should take the plunge... say things we know we want to say, feel things that we want to feel, and to let go of the hesitations and just go for it. That's exactly when the angel on the left shoulder always decides to speak... or at least it seems that way. Speaking what the mind knows is the right answer, but every other sign tells you that the "what if" will creep up if not done now.


I guess you can say lately my emotions have been "on the brink." However, the rational "man" side, according to Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus, reminds me that time will only solve itself and to continue living in my "cave" until all signs tell me to open and convey my true thoughts. On the other hand, my youthful naive Jacqueline tells me to continue to be spontaneous, and that there is no better time than the present. All tables turn however when the shoe is on your own foot, and that when in the midst of making an irrelevant, unsubstantial decision ends up turning into what makes up a lot of the day waiting for something to happen that in turn may not be happening simply because hurt has taught me to say nothing at all.

Dear Hopeless Romantic,

In time we all begin to see and create our own world based on the perceptions around us, lessons we've gone through, the hurt we've felt, and the aspirations we want to obtain. Our judgements on what we [choose] to see, think, and feel are different from one another's, but often times we neglect to understand that how we perceive the world to be is never what it is in another's.


Most often times I have felt the deepest amount of pain not only from a breakup but to the realization that I was unfamiliar with the person that I should know the most about, myself. When you have latched yourself on to a relationship you begin to mold to the likings and satisfactions of what the other pleases; and in a healthy relationship happens in unison between the two. We begin to lose our sense of self-identity and do things in order to see the ones' we care for happy. Reconfiguring our identity and finding what it is that [we, alone] can offer to the world ends up being the biggest amount of power we, man, hold.


This brings me to a topic that has had me baffled for quite some time. I do not understand the need for people to expect, want, and assume a relationship. I am not talking the emotional satisfactions or the learning of someone in order to build a happier future, but the want of simply the label.


Too many people, wanting to latch on just for the ride/label what does that really prove? A relationship is not about a label, it is however about the happiness and compassion between two individuals maybe that don't even know each other well, but in the process to.


Naturally things fall the way they are supposed to but if ever the question of, "what are we" exists then it is premature.


It is those that we get to know we should see a better "us" come to surface. Someone who shares the same morals in life, aims towards a similar goal, respects our time and space, and most importantly wants to spend the time going through the ride not for the short run, but for a long lasting relationship. There is so much each of us can offer to the world, and having the right companion/partner falls naturally based on the chemistry between the two.


Never should we "settle." Life is too short to just settle for the company. In time, naturally every thing falls where it supposed to. Jumping the gun into something premature will only destroy would may have been a strong relationship, into something that may never work. People who know themselves and know what they have to offer realize that "time" will allow what is supposed to happen to take its course. People who want something purely for the fact that they are afraid they will allow the other to slip away is trying to put a label on something that wasn't meant to happen. If someone is willing to let go for the fact that someone didn't want to rush in a label they are in it for the wrong reasons primarily any way.My philosophy is, anything that is meant to happen... will happen. We have little to lose if we are moving too slow, it's when we try expedite emotions that we can lose some one worth waiting for. If someone is willing to wait through the ride, they must have thought it was worth while, THAT is the one that you should hold on to. 


But, like in any relationship time is a key factor. 


The truth is, life is all about the lessons that we've learned to structure who we become. With age comes wisdom and becoming a better person, for ourselves is the direct result as to who we allow in our lives to deem fit. We have one lifetime to live, and settling down or solely looking for a relationship should not be the main priority in life, but rather one that comes along as we are trying to attain our dreams and goals. 


We must first know that before we start the process in loving another, we must first have to love and respect ourselves. We mustn't expect others' to find our identity but rather share with them the person we have become through our battle wounds, and in turn learn through time theirs. The greater accomplishments in life are never given, they are earned and worked for, & a relationship should not be any different.